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What is it? I can’t understand. Everyone knows Greek girls are not REAL blondes like the Germans and Swedes. Except for the few in Thessaloniki of Doric descent, most Greek girls and their mothers are usually brunette or black-haired, but definitely not blonde. So why is there such an obsession for Greek women, from 15 to 75, to dye their hair an unnatural color of blonde? I mean fake Greek blonde hair is everywhere. The waitress that serves you in the diner is sporting platinum blonde with dark roots a-showing. Kiria Kostoula the bakali’s wife is 65 yet she dyes herself blonde. Not to mention the hordes and hordes of young sweet things who make sure to look like Marilyn Monroe when their real hair color is like Joan Jett’s. The announcers for most of the Greek TV stations, ERT, Antenna, etc., are all fake blondes. Want to wager that Anna Vissi is a real blonde? Ante fige apo edo! So, ti sto dialo,why do Greek girls feel compelled to change their real hair color to a platinum blonde facing a slow but painful death via peroxide poisoning, an overly dry scalp that flakes like a blizzard without getting away with it because of the 1/8th of an inch real black roots that surface anyway? Here’s the issue of blonde hair for Greek women. Is it worth it to be fake?

There are probably three reasons why dark, mysterious Greek girls go blonde. The main one is, of course, ATTENTION. Scan your eyes over a crowd and chances are your mati will hook on the blond. It’s basic psychology; bright colors attract, dark colors hide and camouflage. And some Greek girls, not all, (you know who they are) love attention. It’s the color itself that traps eyeballs. You stand out more as a blond. Even Homer made sure to point out that Apollo and Artemis were real blondes in contrast to the other gods who were dark and brunette. Xanthes make your brain stop, “Prosochi! Prosochi! I’m blonde or a wanna-be blonde.”

Second reason why non-blondes live with the hassle of dyeing and risking dying in the process every six weeks is SEX. Madonna has said that blonde has some kind of unexplainable sexual aura that attracts. She is probably right. Ever since Marylyn Monroe made herself the dumb blond, the myth of the blond having more “fun” has lived long in the Western psyche. Maybe the stereotype stuck because the girls from the north are more liberal in their sexual mores. A Greek girls’ parents tha tin pnixoune if they found out she was having “fun” with the palikaria from Pirea. So, they have to keep up a more shy, “I’m not the loose type” script. So if you can’t act like those tsoules-xenes, then you can at least look like them. The German girls are so easy. Greek girls can play that game, and all it takes is a boukali of peroxide.

The third reason why dark-haired Greek girls turn blonde, which is tied up to the other two reasons, is that no matter ti sto dialo you look like, making yourself blonde automatically makes you more physically attractive. Blonde is beautiful, even if you are a a skyla. Fake blondes have been glorified in the Greek media ever since Greece had TV technology. “Andres protimoune tis xanthes.” The media have made icons out of blonde Greek actresses—Vougouklaki was the Marlyn of Greek cinema as was the icon, Melina Mercouri. Vicki Vougouklaki was considered to be the epitome of female attractiveness even when she was a gria. But she was as fake, as pseftiki as a xanthi as they come. Ama paratiriseis, a tiny millimeter of her black roots show in any of her movies. OK, she’s cute, but she’s not a real blonde. What about Irene Pappas who is the dark siren? She is the much better actress of the lot. But, ti na kanoume, den eine xanthia so she isn’t as popular and does not get the recognition that a Vougouklaki does. The correlative of this “fake-blonde syndrome” is that EVERY Greek woman, young through old, dyes herself in order to become “sexi.” The baker’s wife whose got dough rolls bulging out of her ribcage to her kneecaps dyes herself blonde and thinks magically she is beautiful. Poof! Your game is saved once you dye yourself. Kiria Katina, Kiria Eleni dye themselves at the same time their kori Ana does in the same komotirio run by, you know, all those fake blonde komotries. (Komotries are notorious for being fake blondes; mine is as fake as they come.)

Come to think of it—has there ever been a Greek girl who is an authentic blonde? They say Helen of Troy was a blonde, but den xero, I never saw a photo unless you trust the film version (pou itane mia malakia anyway.) Unless you are of Doric descent, most probably living in Thessaloniki and Thrace, in which case you have some plausible excuse as you come from the Germanic North, there is a lepti chance that you are Greek and real blonde. If anyone of you, agapimeni leetes, know of an authentic Greek blonde, please email us and let us know; include a real picture. We will feature her on our profiles.

What do you think?  Is it better to be a fake blonde or not?

[tabs type=”horizontal”][tabs_head][tab_title]Spot the Real Blonde [/tab_title][/tabs_head][tab]Can you tell which is the real blonde from the faux blonde?[/tab][/tabs]

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