Just for Laughs Greek Style

Category: Just for Laughs Greek style

Just for Laughs Greek style

Akouse Gia Na Gelaseis Listen so You’ll Laugh

January 28, 2021January 28, 2021
by irene Archos

If you grew up Greek, you definitely have heard of these lines:

Proper English… Greeklish and real Greek

Don’t worry about it… doworry… kanena provlima
Hello… allaou… yia
I don’t know… eyerono… Pou thes na xero?
That’s all right… tsorait… kala
Yes… mmm… ame
No… mm mm … tsou/oxi re pousti
Excuse me… eyyyyyyy… re malaka
What’s the time please… otsi taim… mazi to exoume to roloi
Could I have a glass or water please… wun wota plis…ena nero grigora
Could you tell me when the next bus is due?… when caming next bus… miazo yia odigo?
Oh shit!… fukyen shit… gamimenoooo
Oh well… awell… den gamiete
You’re very beautiful… you very sexy… ise mounara
Would you like to come in for coffee?… you fukoffi… ela, pame gia tsimboukia
You awful woman… fukyen bits… kariola
You’re late… cuman, otsi taim… pou ise re pousti
Thank you… thengiou… (No translation found)
I’m sorry… sku me… stravomara
You idiot… sonababitch… kimismeno
I love beautiful woman… be youri ful ngel… m’aresi na gamao
You are a disgrace… I kill you… gamiese apo ton golo
Happy Thanksgiving . . . thanks giveme . . . gia fere to pastitsyo

words of advice when going out :

Ta matia sou dekatessera! Your eyes. Fourteen!!!
Prosexe min kanis tipota ke yinoume rezili! Watch you dont do anything to bring shame on us!
Prosehe to potiri sou, mi sou rixei kaneis kamia stahti! Watch your glass in case anyone drops ash in it.
Ma pos tha sou mini kana frango, afou then mazevese katholou sto spiti? How will be left with a penny, you dont stay home!
Then varethikes to ‘exo’? Aren’t you sick of “out”?
Eseis an then ta yirisete ola … tha skasete! If you don’t go to everything … you will just explode!!
Olo to ‘bye’ ke to ‘goodbye’. Then akoume ke tipot’ allo apo sena! Bye and Goodbye is all we ever hear from you!

Reactions to getting home late:

Irthes, eh? Oh you’re home are you?
Mori?ti ora ine afti? What time do you call this!?
Vre pou yirizeis toses ores? Where have you been roaming for so many hours?
Vre kalos ‘tin!! Pos egine ke mas thimithikes? Welcome, welcome!! what was it that reminded you of us?
Pou girizete koritsia monaha sas tetia ora? Where are you girls roaming alone at this hour?
Kala, then borouses na erthis ligo pio arga? My, wasnt it possible for you to come home a little later?? (thick sarcasm)
Spiti then ehis? Dont you have a home?
Xenothoheio to theoris edo mesa? Have you mistaken this place for a hotel?

Food:

Fai pethi mou, fai! Eat my child, eat!

Behaviour :

Then tha valis mialo pote? Will you never get some brains?
Then drepese ligaki? Arent you just a little ashamed?
Bravo?etsi milane sto patera / sti mana tous? Well done, that’s how you speak to your mother / father?
Re? sovarepsou ligaki! Get a little serious!
Re sklirokefalo plasma! You hardheaded thing
Re xerokefalo! You dryhead! Re oneiroparmeno!
To mialo sou ke mia lira! Your brain and a lira?
Ta miala sou ehoune pari aera! Your brain has flown awayGeneral remarks:
To kako sou ton kairo!May you have bad times!
Ti tha lei o kosmos? What will people say?!
Re, ise sta kala sou? Hey, are you at your best?
Ahh?ego ta leo, ego t’ akouo! Ahh,.. i say it,.. i hear it.
Ma esi pia then troyese me tipota! I cant digest you with anything!
Ego yia kalo sou s’to leo! I say it for your own good!
Re, ti aharista pou eisaste! My, what thankless people you are!
Vre as’ ta skata sou! Hey, leave your shit!
Ahh, tha se fao! (accompanied by the obligatory biting of the forefinger) Ahh,.. im going to eat you!
. . . na mou tripisis ti miti! . Pierce my nose!
triches katsares Hairs curly!
Ta fortosate sto kokora! You have overloaded the rooster!

Life:

I zoi then ine olo pexe-yelase! Life isn’t all play and laugh
Eseis i neolea ta thelete ola! Alla then einai etsi i zoi! You young people want everything. But life isn’t like that!
Vre, emeis irthame me mia valitsa athia, hissame ema kai ithrota na mazepsoume We came here with one empty suitcase, we spilt blood and gathered sweat
kana frango? oute exo vgename, oute ‘holidays’ pigename?tipota! Some money? we didn’t go out, or go on holidays, nothing!
Emeis then eimaste anthropi? Mono eseis hreiazeste xekourasi. Akous ekei! No, we aren’t people. Only you need rest,.. listen to yourself.

Just for Laughs Greek style

You Know You’re Greek When . . .

May 20, 2016May 21, 2016
by irene Archos

You Know You’re Greek if… (thanks to my Facebook friends group called “Greeks Invented Everything” for the list

You make frappe before leaving home, when getting to the office, after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.
When shops have a sale they call your mom.
You still have clothes that you used to wear when you were five stored in suitcases.
You call an older person you’ve never met before “Thio” or “Thia”.
You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you believe that they actually do.
You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you’ve got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.
When you arrive home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.
You always curse at Greeks and then when you travel to Europe or the States you only make Greek friends.
When you come back from college you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew all over again, as if you never left them before.
Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
Everyone is a family friend.
You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
You teach Europeans/Americans swear words in your language.
When you go on a date you start thinking of places that you never thought of before to avoid family or family friends. You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.
You think you are liberated when you can’t even smoke in public.
If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.
Getting married becomes the only way you could escape your parents.
You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can’t stay out past midnight.
You always say “Open the light” instead of “Turn on the light”.
You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school with no shoes.
You’re 5’4″, can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
Your uncle owns a restaurant, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a ’76 Monte Carlo.
You share a bathroom with your 5 brothers, have no money, but drive a $45,000 Camaro.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.
You have a relative that has done something that required the IRS to threaten him.
Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law’s brother-in-law.
You are a card-carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.
Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your “Just Do Me” tank top.
At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
A high school diploma and 1 year of community college has earned you the title of “professor” among your aunts.
You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.
If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9″, it is presumed his mother had an affair.
There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 on your baptism.
At some point in your life, you waited tables.
30 years after immigrating, your parents still say “Embros” when answering the phone.
You have at least one relative who wore a black dress every day for an entire year after a funeral… or their entire life!
You spent your entire childhood thinking what you ate for lunch was pronounced “sangwich.”
Your family dog understood Greek.
Every Sunday afternoon of your childhood was spent visiting papou and yiayia or extended family.
You’ve experienced the phenomena of 150 people fitting into 50 square feet of yard during a family cookout.
You were surprised to discover the FDA recommends you eat three meals day, not seven.
You thought killing the lamb each year and having feta, tzatziki and olives on your dinner table was absolutely normal.
You grew up thinking no fruit or vegetable had a fixed price and that the price of everything was negotiable through haggling.
You were as tall as yiayia by the age of seven.
You thought nylons were supposed to be worn rolled to the ankles.
Mamas main hobby is cleaning.
You were surprised to find out that wine was actually sold in stores.
You never knew what to expect when you opened the margarine, after all you thought washing out and reusing margarine containers was normal.
You thought Orthodoxy was the only religion in the world.
You thought every meal had to be eaten with a hunk of bread in your left hand.
Yiayia never threw anything away, you thought seeing washed plastic bags hanging on the clothes line was normal.
You learned to play tavli before you went to school.
You have at least one relative who came over on the boat.
You have relatives who aren’t really your relatives.
You drank wine before you were a teenager.
You grew up in a house with a yard that didn’t have one patch of dirt that didn’t have a flower or a vegetable growing out of it.
You thought that talking loud was normal.
You thought everyone got pinched on the cheeks and money stuffed in their pockets by their relatives.
Your mother is overly protective of the males in the family no matter what their age.
There was an icon in every room of the house, including the bathroom.
You wear or at least own a gold chunky bracelet.
Garlic is considered a main meal.
Olive oil is like a drug – you can’t survive without it.
You don’t know half your relatives.
You have a wedding at least twice a year.
You or at least most of your uncles own a spit
You consider soccer the eighth wonder of the world.
Your cheeks receive their weekly work out every time you visit an aunt.
Your last name ends with: opolous, os, as, or is
Your last name consists of the entire alphabet
When leaving a house, you stand at the front door for a half hour more and talk
You arrive 2 hours late to a party and think that is normal
Your church has a fully loaded bar
No air conditioning is on at the house or you’ll get sick… “regma”
You use plastic grocery bags as garbage bags
Your parents have never realized phone connections have gotten better in the last 20 years and still continue to scream on the phone when calling Greece
You expect atleast 600 people at your wedding
Your 15 year old brother/sister can out drink ANY American guy
Your only vacation is back to the homeland
You tell your parents you’re seeing someone and they start sending out wedding invitations.
You’re home an hour late and you’re already listed as a missing person.
You’re Dad has those old Greek tapes in the car, and plays them on family drives. Especially in the vicinity of attractive members of the opposite sex.
You break a leg, and yiayia thinks your life is over.
You tell your parents you’re having a party. They buy out the whole supermarket.
It doesn’t matter if people can’t hear what you’re talking about – you talk so much with your hands that people know what you’re going on about anyway.
You go to a wedding, and take a fancy to one of the guests. Later you discover that the guest is somehow related to you. =(
You go to a wedding, and are introduced to cousins that you never knew existed.
You tell mama you’re not hungry and she thinks you have an eating disorder.
You can distinguish between kefalotiri and kefalograviera
You’re an adult and are forced to be with your family at 12 midnight on New Year’s eve
Your yiayia / mama / thia has a miracle cure for everything.
If you’re a girl, your mother still tries to put those pony tail holders with the BIG plastic balls on the end on your hair.
If you’re a guy, your mother still tries to make you wear that super frilly dress shirt with that huge bow tie, because it looked so cute when you were 7.
Your mother or father still feels the need to tell you, “katse kala” in public
You have been hit at some point with a pandofla
You can dance kalamatiano, tsamiko, zembekiko without music
You go to church picnics pretending you’re there for reasons other than to check up / gossip about other Greeks
You or a family member has been photographed with a donkey
You are familiar with the phrase, “Sto leo yia to kalo sou”
You have one or more of those porcelain figurines in your house or you have broken one of those porcelain figurines and mama still hasn’t forgiven you for it
Your parents make up the name of a street / store / TV show because they couldn’t remember it or they couldn’t pronounce it
You still get scared when you hear the name “Baboola”
Upon meeting another Greek you try to find out what village they’re from
You or a family member wears their Sunday best to go grocery shopping
You were spanked by your friend’s parents because your parents gave them permission to
You go to a wedding or a baptism and complain about the food, but are the first one to ask for a “to go” plate
You know someone who always feels the need to point out how much something they bought costs
You have a bottle of OUZO in your house right now
You have been threatened to be eaten by the Kako/ baboola / yero / pontiki when you were little
Add aki to the end of any American word, and it becomes Greek
Someone in your family owns any type of restaurant
Your family inheritance includes olive trees and xorafyia
Your entire house is a needlepoint warehouse…

Just for Laughs Greek style

Yiayia’s Disapproval

May 20, 2016May 21, 2016
by irene Archos

Click here to see the full Youtube video Yiayia’s disapproval

Check out this Athenos brand commercials.

Isn’t this typical of a Greek yiayia? So sweet but so nasty and upfront when they have to be. I can still see mine now “tsk tsking” about my short skirts and pointing a finger with her hand on her hip, “Pou pas kakomira mou tha mas kaneis rezili!” Whoever made this Athenos commercial is brillaint!

make your own yiayia gif of disapproval

Just for Laughs Greek style

Losing my Glossa

August 21, 2015
by irene Archos

Here’s a dose from the memoir, Being a Greek American Girl. Podcast 1: Losing my Glossa, from Chapter 6.

Just for Laughs Greek style

Top Ten List for Bad Yiayia

June 13, 2015June 13, 2015
by irene Archos

The Greek yiayia is a force to be reckoned with. There are definitely perks to being a matriarch. Here’s the top 10 list for Bad Yiayia:

Bad Yiayia

10 Yiayia doesn’t follow any rules. “Can’t skip the police line yiayia, you are gonna get us in trouble.” “Den me endiaferi,” she says, “ilikiomeni ginaika eimai.” She sits in the VIP sections of the soccer game without handing over a ticket.

9 Yiayia lets you know how it is. “Kala tsoula eisei!” she says when she sees granddaughter walking out with short shorts and t-shirts. “Den trepesai! O kolos sou gremetai.”

8 Yiayia can cuss when provoked. “Sto dialo bastarde” she waves at the cop with her bastouni, Tha mou peis pou na pao.”

7 Yiayia is next to fast food joints the major reason for obesity in the younger generation. “Fae paidaki mou,”

6 Yiayia is super politically incorrect. So much so she embarrasses you during parties, with neighbors and colleagues, etc. Saying things like “Gays no good. You burn in hell for this.” “Germans, na pane sto dialo. We no vote for them.”

5 Yiayia can use a pandofla and koutala as assault weapons. She has no qualms about battering children, dogs, cats or other defenseless creatures if they do not follow rules, disobey the Church or bring dirt into the house.

4 No matter how old you are, Yiayia will make you feel like you’re 5. You need to change your clothes, iron your poukamiso, go back to school, pick up your shoes, marry someone else, don’t forget to turn off the light. She will call you to see where you are past midnight even if it’s with your spouse or at a function.

3 Yiayia can be rude, esp. when it comes to waiting for her turn. She bulldozes through bystanders to get on the Express bus to go to Macys and there’s no manners when it comes to getting prosforo either. “Get outta the way! Yiayia’s got dibs.”

2 Yiayia is a snitch. Don’t think she can keep a secret. She is sly as a fox. She’s a spy for the folks. She makes like she doesn’t understand English only to eavesdrop into your boyfriend conversations so she can report back to parents. And you know that little beep on the phone, that might be yiayia on the third line. Yiayias, although cute and very gracious, are really snitches and can’t be trusted.

1 Yiayia is a killer. Back in the day, she beat up fascists and commies with a shovel. She slit throats during WWII like the chickens you see in the yard. Do not underestimate the killer instincts that are hidden underneath those crinkly wrinkles, gnarly hands, and black kerchief.

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Just for Laughs Greek style

Buzzfeed gets it right: 7 things others get wrong…

February 21, 2015
by irene Archos

Just for Laughs Greek style

Your Weekly Funnies Collection

December 19, 2014
by irene Archos

When all else fails, do what Jim Belushi did in the famous Cheeseburger Sketch on Saturday Night Live, Dance! Zembekiko!

In honor of the news that Lucas will unleash the sequel to Star Wars with all the old sckool actors: That’s classic!

In case you haven’t seen another Somee-card poking fun of your culture, here’s one appropriate to the Christmas season:

Random Malakies from unemployed Greek boys who do voice overs on American TV clips:

Just for Laughs Greek style

10 Ways to Prepare for a Greek Social Function…

December 6, 2014
by irene Archos

10 Don’t eat. Greeks are foodies by genetics so they really go all out during a formal function. Resist the urge to eat before the event no matter how hungry you are. Otherwise you will waste your belly real estate. Better to starve the whole day and gorge at the reception.

9 Be prepared for pain. Bring ear plugs in case you sit next to the loudspeakers and the bouzouki is shattering your ear drums. Bring Alka Seltzer in case you gorge on too much keftedakia and feta and wings. Bring an extra pair of shoes in case those 3” heels start stinging you after the 50th round of the Kalamatiano.

8 Brush up on your gossip. Any function like this acts like an excuse to talk about Maria or Giorgio and how fat Theia Kati got. Come prepared to add to the family history.

7 Brush up on your Greek. No doubt giagia or some antiquity of the previous generations will be there so you have to at least know how to say something engaging. Then watch them grapple with their molars the whole night long

6 Do not come accompanied with a non-Greek escort. Alimono then everyone will talk about you like you are some sort of pariah. “What? She no have a Greek boyfriend.”

5 Do not say you are a vegetarian. “What you mean you don’t eat the meat?” will be everyone’s reaction. They will try to convert you to souvlakity. Take some ham slices and put them on your plate anyway to dodge everybody. You can nibble on the broccoli spears and cheese wedges at your leisure.

4 Make sure you’re wearing extra globs of makeup and a couture design. Although it might be your cousin Maria’s wedding, everyone will be there to show off their own fancy get up. And all eyes will be judging and sizing up on the competition.

3 Make sure you can get up and dance to at least one Greek folk dance. You can check out demos on YouTube.

2 Bring lots of singles. Dishing out dollar bills is not just for strippers, it’s for lone men dancing the zembekiko. For a Greek night out, plastering the dance floor with hundreds of dollar bills is a sign of “kefi.” It shows that you are a big spender.

Be prepared to get grilled with the stock Greek response for every single person at the party—“Kai sta dika sou!” You know it’s gonna happen. Thousands of relatives will chime in to each and every single girl and guy there about their unhappy lot as single people. “Don’t worry, kalo, it will happen to you to someday.” Don’t you hate that!?! And when they greet you with “Kali tichi” it won’t be to win the lottery either. It’s the Greek underhanded way of letting you know that you need luck to land a good husband (or wife). Just expect that you will be made to feel like less of an adult or functioning member of society because you are single. You can get hammered on the retsina so it doesn’t get to you too much though.

Despite all this, you can still have a good time at your next baptism/shower/wedding. Ya mas!

Category: Just for Laughs Greek style

Proper English… Greeklish and real Greek

words of advice when going out :

Reactions to getting home late:

Food:

Behaviour :

Life:

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You Know You’re Greek if… (thanks to my Facebook friends group called “Greeks Invented Everything” for the list

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