You have to check this guy out! He talks about “Greek women”–cook together, they cry together, etc. Is he that different from your ‘father’? Is he a stereotype or is he (gulp!) closer to the real truth than people think? He says he follows his daughter when she leaves the house. That Greek women must know how to make “pastitsyo”. Oh my God! Should he even be representing Greek culture!?!
Three married couples, one Jewish, one Irish, and one Greek, all die on the same day and arrive at the gates of Heaven.
St. Peter asks the Jewish man why he deserves to be in Heaven. He replies, “I’ve been a pious Jew all my life, I attended synagogue every Saturday, and I raised a lot of money for Jewish causes.”
“And what is your wife’s name?” St. Peter asks.
“Penny,” the man replies.
“Penny?!!” shouts St. Peter. “You Jews are all alike. Money, money, money. You even married a woman whose name has to do with money! Get out of my sight! You are damned to Hell!”
Then St. Peter asks the Irishman why he deserves to be in Heaven. “I’ve been a devout Catholic throughout my life, attended church every Sunday, and always gave generously to the collection plate.”
“And what’s your wife’s name?” St. Peter asks.
“Brandy,” the Irishman replies.
“Brandy?!! You Irish are all alike. Drink, drink, drink. You even married a woman whose name is a type of alcohol. Get out of my sight! You are damned to Hell!”
With that, the Greek guy turns to his wife and says,
“Fanny, I think we have a problem…”
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers – which she ended by saying “God bless mommy, God bless daddy, God bless grandma, and good-bye grandpa.”
The father said, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?” The little girl said “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do.”
The next day grandpa died. Father thought it was a strange coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her prayers,which went like this – “God bless mommy, God bless daddy and good-bye grandma. Next day the grandmother died.
My gosh, thought the father, this kid is in contact with the other side.
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her say “God bless mommy and good-bye daddy.”
He practically went into shock. Couldn’t sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be OK. He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said “I’ve never seen you work so late, what’s the matter?” He said “I don’t want to talk about it, I’ve just spent the worst day of my life.”
She said “You think you had a bad day, you’ll never believe what happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch.”
If you grew up Greek, you definitely have heard of this line:
When you’re just about to go out
- Then varethikes to ‘exo’? Aren’t you sick of “out”?
- Eseis an then ta yirisete ola … tha skasete! If you don’t go to everything … you will just explode!!
- Olo to ‘bye’ ke to ‘goodbye’. Then akoume ke tipot’ allo apo sena! Bye and Goodbye is all we ever hear from you!
words of advice when going out :
- Ta matia sou dekatessera! Your eyes. Fourteen!!!
- Prosexe min kanis tipota ke yinoume rezili! Watch you dont do anything to bring shame on us!
- Prosehe to potiri sou, mi sou rixei kaneis kamia stahti! Watch your glass in case anyone drops ash in it.
- Ma pos tha sou mini kana frango, afou then mazevese katholou sto spiti? How will be left with a penny, you dont stay home!
Reactions to getting home late:
- Irthes, eh? Oh you’re home are you?
- Mori?ti ora ine afti? What time do you call this!?
- Vre pou yirizeis toses ores? Where have you been roaming for so many hours?
Vre kalos ‘tin!! Pos egine ke mas thimithikes? Welcome, welcome!! what was it that reminded you of us?
- Pou yirizete koritsia monaha sas tetia ora? Where are you girls roaming alone at this hour?
- Kala, then borouses na erthis ligo pio arga? My, wasnt it possible for you to come home a little later??
- Spiti then ehis? Dont you have a home?
- Xenothoheio to theoris edo mesa? Have you mistaken this place for a hotel?
- Fai pethi mou, fai! Eat my child, eat!
- Then tha valis mialo pote? Will you never get some brains?
- Then drepese ligaki? Arent you just a little ashamed?
- Bravo?etsi milane sto patera / sti mana tous? Well done, that’s how you speak to your mother / father?
- Re? sovarepsou ligaki! Get a little serious!
- Re sklirokefalo plasma! You hardheaded thing
- Re xerokefalo! You dryhead! Re oneiroparmeno!
- To mialo sou ke mia lira! Your brain and a lira?
- Ta miala sou ehoune pari aera! Your brain has flown awayGeneral remarks:
- To kako sou ton kairo!May you have bad times!
- Ti tha lei o kosmos? What will people say?!
- Re, ise sta kala sou? Hey, are you at your best?
- Ahh?ego ta leo, ego t’ akouo! Ahh,.. i say it,.. i hear it.
- Ma esi pia then troyese me tipota! I cant digest you with anything!
- Ego yia kalo sou s’to leo! I say it for your own good!
- Re, ti aharista pou eisaste! My, what thankless people you are!
- Vre as’ ta skata sou! Hey, leave your shit!
- Ahh, tha se fao! (accompanied by the obligatory biting of the forefinger) Ahh,.. im going to eat you!
- . . . na mou tripisis ti miti! . Pierce my nose!
- triches katsares Hairs curly!
- Ta fortosate sto kokora! You have overloaded the rooster!
- I zoi then ine olo pexe-yelase! Life isn’t all play and laugh
- Eseis i neolea ta thelete ola! Alla then einai etsi i zoi! You young people want everything. But life isn’t like that!
- Vre, emeis irthame me mia valitsa athia, hissame ema kai ithrota na mazepsoume We came here with one empty suitcase, we spilt blood and gathered sweat
- kana frango? oute exo vgename, oute ‘holidays’ pigename?tipota! Some money? we didn’t go out, or go on holidays, nothing!
- Emeis then eimaste anthropi? Mono eseis hreiazeste xekourasi. Akous ekei! No, we aren’t people. Only you need rest,.. listen to yourself.
SAY IT IN Proper English… Greeklish
- Don’t worry about it… doworry… kanena provlima
- Hello… allaou… yia
- I don’t know… eyerono… Pou thes na xero?
- That’s all right… tsorait… kala
- Yes… mmm… ame
- No… mm mm … tsou/oxi re pousti
- Excuse me… eyyyyyyy… re malaka
- What’s the time please… otsi taim… mazi to exoume to roloi
- Could I have a glass or water please… wun wota plis…ena nero grigora
- Could you tell me when the next bus is due?… when caming next bus… miazo yia odigo?
- Oh shit!… fukyen shit… gamimenoooo
- Oh well… awell… den gamiete
- You’re very beautiful… you very sexy… ise mounara
- Would you like to come in for coffee?… you fukoffi… ela, pame gia tsimboukia
- You awful woman… fukyen bits… kariola
- You’re late… cuman, otsi taim… pou ise re pousti
- Thank you… thengiou… (No translation found)
- I’m sorry… sku me… stravomara
- You idiot… sonababitch… kimismeno
- I love beautiful woman… be youri ful ngel… m’aresi na gamao
- You are a disgrace… I kill you… gamiese apo ton golo
- Happy Thanksgiving . . . thanks giveme . . . gia fere to pastitsyo
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The Craziest Thing that Happened to me in Greece
The craziest thing that happened to me in Greece was when my sister, I, and a few girlfriends were on the party island (Ios, of course) and my friends got wild and crazy. We were animating the dance floor of Disco Bar 69 so much the owners kept treating us to sfinakia. While we were getting down, two guys, who looked completely the same, I thought I was so wasted I was seeing double,( but turned out they were twins,) came up to us and used the usual line, “Eh, where you from?” They were headbangers dressed in black Def Leppard cut up t-shirts and slashed denims from Montenegro, Yugoslavia, holding a green bottle of Heineken in opposite hands.
“New York,” my sister and I shouted. They looked at each other, pulled their weight back, and repeated, “New York?!? Alright!” and did a high-five.
I looked at my sister, shrugged and we said nonchalantly, “Yeah, they’re alright.”
The headbangers (who were alright themselves) turned to each other in a splendid performance of twin synchronicity, looked at each other, pulled their weight back and repeated, “Def Leppard! Alright!”
Then they said something to each other in Yugoslavian. The 1/4 inch taller one turned to me and asked, “Who that is?” pointing the Heine at my sister’s hiney.
“That’s my sister,” I answered. Then again, in a double repeat performance of their act, they looked straight at each other and yelled, “Sisters!” Then at the same time, they looked at us and grunted, “You sisters! We brothers!” Then they butted their beer bottles and yelled, “Alright!” once again and juggled down.
Why not, the one near me said, you sisters, we brothers, then he beat the bottle to his chest and said, “Me” then pointed it to my chest (well-endowed and well-exhibited in my heydey) and said, “You.” He turned to his brother who was smiling this doofist smile beat the bottle against his chest and said, “My brother” then pointed to my sister and said, “Your sister.” He ended the whole proposition by taking a swig down his bottle and saying, “Why not?”
My sister and I looked at each other and simultaneously said, “No way! Good bye”
We started dancing again to lose them in the crowd with our other friends. We were being our wild, maniacal selves and dashed out of the Disco losing the Neanderthals. But , while we were walking the white stucco sidewalk slabs to Sweet Irish Dream, before I could figure out what was happening, I heard a loud “Arrrgggghhh!” behind me followed by “Aye, NEW YORK!”
Before I knew it, I was swooped up by my ass and was riding on the shoulder of (who else?) the elder Neanderthal. “OH MY GOD!” my sister cried and started to run ahead of me, “THE NEANDERTHALS!” But it was too late. She too was swooped up and riding the shoulder of the other Neanderthal. I was screaming and beating the guys back and butt to no avail. To this day, I can’t remember how we escaped them. But I think they put us down in front of the Sweet Irish Dream bar where these Italian guys came to our rescue.
For the rest of our trip we were on the lookout for the Neanderthals who literally picked us up the ancient way.
There were other crazy things that happened that year in Greece, like the time we saw that guy in the Pit Stop bar take off his pants (totally wasted!), we witnessed sex on the beach (not the drink), and I won’t tell you about the time we got kicked out of a gay club in Mykonos because we stripped the stripper of his G-string.
Oh, those were the good days!
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