Intercultural Interview

February 25, 2014February 25, 2014
by irene Archos

Marriage in general is not easy, intercultural marriage is even more challenging . Against the trend for the Greek community to marry among their own, we come across couples who have married outside their culture in some measure to escape their culture. In this candid interview, a young woman of West Indian descent speaks honestly about marrying a Greek who himself defied his family’s and his culture’s wishes for a Greek bride. Love, of course, conquers all cultures.

How did you meet your Greek American husband? Describe the courtship. What influenced your decision to marry each other?

We met through a mutual friend. I always said I would never marry a Greek boy because they are mama’s boys and it was inevitable I married a Greek. I hate to sound stereotypical but we clicked from the beginning and it was love at first sight. He grew up in a household filled with what he calls crazy women and swore that he would never marry a Greek woman and he didn’t.

What impressions or stereotypes did you have of Greek culture before you married into it?

The stereotypes of Greeks being loud. It’s so hard to have a conversation when everyone talks over each other. I have to say my church community has been very welcoming but my inlaws have not. They are very clannish and have all known each other since they were kids. I don’t think anyone would have fit in. When it comes to religion it’s crazy being the convert I am more religious than they are. They make stuff up as they go along.

What obstacles or resistance, if any, did you encounter from your respective families when you decided to marry?

There was no resistance from my family but there was from his family. No one is good enough to marry him

The only woman good enough is his mother according to her. He will never stand up to his mother and neither will anyone else. It’s like they are scared of her. I grew up in a household where we discussed things and if you felt your parents were wrong we talked about it. I have no problems telling my parents I don’t agree and problem solve with them. But in his family the mother rules with an iron fist. I swear she’s bipolar very irrational I must say I don’t think it’s a Greek thing I think it’s more of a mental health issue. I know tons of Greek women and they are nothing like the women in this family.

How did you and your husband negotiate the potential conflicts with regards to upbringing for your child?

I was willing to convert and we agreed before getting engaged that we would raise our children Greek Orthodox

How did your perceptions of Greek culture change once you became a part of it? Basically, what did you think before and after you became a “Greek”?I always thought Greek women were like the women in my big fat Greek wedding they cooked all the time, boy am I disappointed that it’s not the truth. They are very “Americanized” for the lack of a better word.

What factors made you embrace the culture? What influenced you to become Orthodox? This is strange but it felt right and I felt comfortable with the church and the church community

What is the best and worst of being Greek? (BE HONEST) In other words, why would it be a good idea for someone who is not Greek to marry someone Greek? I actually wish my husbands family was more traditional Greek because that would actually be more close to my culture. I like the stereotype of families visiting all the time. Unfortunately this family is very sterile unwelcoming. Not as warm as I imagined Greek families to be.

How do you stay true to your own culture?

I grew up in a very American household. Outside of the occasional meals I am still true to my culture

What advice or wisdom do you have for other intercultural couples who are negotiating two cultures and religions?

My advice to any couple getting married whether interracial or not “When you marry the man you marry the family” you may not think you do but you do. The way they were raised is a big reflection on who they are, take off the lust love goggles and think realistically. Would you want your child married to this person and into this family? If the answer is no then run now. Also you have to be equals and enjoy each other’s company. Prior to getting married I would have never lived with someone before marrying them; however after being married I think you should live with the person at least a year before marrying them. Once you live together you see the true personality.

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1 COMMENT

Tanya Stamoulis
March 3, 2014 at 5:01 pm
As I read the comments on a Greek mothers role in her boys’ lives, I chuckled. It must be part of our DNA because as the mother of 5 & 2 year old boys I find myself mothering them just as my mom had done with my brother. I think of their future and think that some woman (who won’t take care of him right) is going to come and take my babies from me. Rational? Absolutely not..but I just can’t help myself. Great article!

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